3 Idiots.
Hello?
Yeah?
What?
Sir, kindly switch off your mobile phone.
Just one sec! One sec please!
Excuse me!
Sir, please sit down!
Captain, there is a medical emergency.
A passenger has just fallen down on the aisle.
Delhi Air India 101 returning due to medical emergency.
Sir, excuse me! Sir! Excuse me, sir!
One minute!
I'm alright now.
Thank you.
You all can go now!
I'll go now, okay?
Gentleman, wait!
Get the car, man!
Are you Mr. Dillon?
Why?
Should I tattoo my name on my forehead?
Get the car! Fast!
Ok, sir! Come, sir.
We are going to the hotel, right, sir?
Yeah Yeah. We will go to the hotel
But first through Vasant Vihar. Take me there.
Put some weight on the accelerator, man!
Yeah, Farhan. What is it?
Come outside quickly. I'm reaching your place in 5 minutes!
What happened, man?
Chathur called
Remember him?
Who? "Silencer"?
Yeah, man. Him.
He told me that... Rancho is coming.
What are you saying?!
Yes. He said that if we want to meet Rancho we should reach campus at 8. On the tank.
Oh shucks!
Just come out fast, man!
Yeah! Yeah, okay!
Shruti! I'll be back in some time.
Oh, shoes!
We just found our friend!
What?
I'll come back and talk to you, now. Bye!
Wear your pants before you go!
Now we will go to the hotel, right, sir?
Yes but we're stopping at the Imperial College of Engineering first!
Okay, sir.
I forgot to get my socks, man!
You're worried about your socks? Dude, look down! You even forgot your pants!
Oh, crap!
Now you can go to the hotel! But first go to the airport to pick up my brother with the same last name, 'Dillon'!
I'm Dillon. If you sent the car, where the hell did it go? Right onto the runway?
Hey Rancho!
Hey, Chathur! Where's Rancho?
Rancho!
Where's Rancho?!
Welcome, idiots.
Want to drink some madiera (Rum)?
This is the same rum, right? The one you all used to drink here?
Have a drink!
Hey! Where is Rancho, man?!
I'll tell you.
First, please look at this.
No, not my wife. Look at the bungalow behind her, idiots. 3.5 million!
Swimming pool - heated!
Living room - maple wood flooring!
My new Lamborghini 6496cc. Very fast!
Dude. Why are you showing us all of this?
Did you forget?
What is this?
5th September. Today's date. What else, man?!
Come on. Make a bet! After 10 years, we'll come back here!
Right here! On this same day
and then we will see who is more successful!
Do you have the courage? Tell me, will you come? Will you?
Do you remember something now?
I had made that bet with that idiot, right here!
I kept my promise.
I'm back!
Moron!
I left my flight to come here!
He left his pants to come here! Only to meet Rancho!
We've been searching for him for five years! We don't know if he's dead or alive! And you think he'll come here for this stupid bet?
He won't come. I know he won't come.
What?! Will you break his teeth or should I?! One minute, Farhan. One minute.
Jackass, then why did you call us here?
To meet Rancho!
Come with me and see where he stayed behind and where I've reached!
That means that you know where Rancho is? Huh?
Yes
Where is Rancho?
He is in Shimla!
# He was like fleeting wind #
# He was like a fluttering kite #
# Where did he go? Let's find him #
# He was like fleeting wind #
# He was like a fluttering kite #
# Where did he go? Let's find him #
# While we walked our defined paths #
# He would find his own way #
# Loitering about them merrily #
# While we worried about our future#
# He would just celebrate the present#
# He would live every moment completely #
# Where had he come from? #
# Touching our hearts the way he did #
# Where did he go? Let's find him #
# He was like our shade in sweltering heat #
# Like a village in a desert #
# He was a salve for the wounds of our hearts #
# While we cowered from challenges #
# He would dive in headfirst #
# Tearing against the strong currents #
# He was our wandering cloud #
# He was our friend #
# Where did he go? Let's find him #
Rancho.
Ranchoddas Shamaldas Chanchad
His name was just as unique
as his thoughts.
Ever since we were young, we believed that life was a race. If we didn't run fast enough, we would be trampled and overtaken.
Man, even to be born, we had to race 300 million sperm.
1978
My birth. I was born at 5:15 am.
And at 5:16 am, my father said,
"My son will become an Engineer!"
Farhan Qureshi! B.Tech Engineer.
And my fate was sealed.
What did I want to be? Nobody asked me.
Raju Rastogi
Ranchhoddas Chanchad
What's your room number?
D26
Follow me
I'm Manmohan
M.M
All these engineers call me Millimeter!
I'll get you milk, eggs, bread. I'll wash your clothes, iron them, fill your journals, copy assignments.
Whatever you need, you tell me. But there is a fixed rate - no bargaining!
One minute! One minute! Hold this!
This is Kilobyte.
This is Megabyte and this is his mother, Gigabyte.
Go on! Take their pictures. This family doesn't byte [bite]
[Raju praying]
Here comes another believer!
Hi! Farhan qureshi. I'm Raju Rastogi.
Don't worry.
After sometime here, his belief in god will vanish on its own.
He will stick naked girls' posters on the side. And then say,
Oh god
Let me have her once!
Hey! Get out of here! Get out!
Give me my 4 rupees.
2 rupees per bag.
Here you go. 5 rupees. You can keep the change.
Wow, sir. Since you gave me a tip,
I shall give you a tip as well
Tonight, wear underwear that doesn't have holes!
Why?
King!
You are great!
Accept our offering!
Aha!
Look at this - He-man! He-man take this!
How small and cute!
Oh! So pale!
Our pride lay scattered on the floor
Our hands in salutation
Our heads were bent down in slavery
When we first saw Rancho!
A new offering! A gift, gift, gift, gift!
Hello, sir!
Please take off your pants get your butt stamped!
What's your name? Tell me.
Ranchhodas Shamaldas Chanchad!
Hui!
Did you hear that, brothers? Learn it by heart! Maybe you'll remember it by your final year!
Come on, remove your pants. Remove them!
Oh, so you won't listen to me so easily, huh?
You don't want to wear wet pants, do you, kid?
Come on! Remove them now.
All iz well. All iz well.
What the hell is he saying?
Somebody explain this to him!
Hey! James bond! Make him understand.
Take off your pants or they're going to piss on you!
Hey foreigner! Are you shy of speaking hindi?
Sorry, sir! I was born in Uganda and I studied in Pondicherry!
So a little slow in hindi.
So slowly make him understand! Who's in a hurry here, anyway?
You wore your clothes again?!
Take off... your clothes or they are going to...explode pee on you!
Exploding pee!
Pundit! Who is here to learn engineering?
Hey! Come out, ass!
Come out!
Come out or else I shall... "explode pee" on your door!
I'm going to count till 10
If you don't come out,
I'll "explode pee" on your door everyday for the entire semester!
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
Salt water is a great conductor of electricity.
8th grade physics.
We all studied it..
..and he applied it!
ICE's Director's name was Dr. Viru Shastrabhuddhe
But everybody called him Virus..
Computer Virus!
Hey! Virus is coming! And he's carrying eggs with him.
He wants all the first years to come down. Come, fast!
Virus was the most competitive man we had ever seen!
Even if someone overtook him by a step
He wouldn't be able to take it.
To save time, he used velcro on his shirt instead of buttons
and he hooked his tie!
He had trained his mind in such a way
that he could write using both hands simultaneously
Everyday at 2pm, he took a power nap that lasted exactly 7.5 minutes while listening to opera.
Govind was instructed to do all his unproductive things like shaving, nail-cutting in these 7.5 minutes.
What is this?
Sir, it's a nest!
Whose nest?
Sir, it's a cuckoo bird's nest.
Wrong! A cuckoo bird never makes its own nest.
She lays eggs on other birds nests
And when her babies come to the world, what do they do first?
They kick out the other eggs from the nest.
Competition over.
Their life begins with murder.
That's nature.
Compete
Or die.
You all are also like the cuckoo birds
And these are those eggs that you kicked out to reach ICE
Don't forget.
Every year, 400,000 students apply to ICE
And among them, only 200 are selected.
You
And these?
Finished!
Broken eggs!
My own son applied to come here every year for 3 years
Rejected
Every time
Remember - Life is a race.
If you don't run fast enough, someone will overtake you and move faster.
Let me tell you a very interesting story.
This is an astronaut's pen.
In space, you can't use a fountain pen or a ball point pen.
So after spending millions of dollars
Scientists invented this pen.
With this pen, you can write in any angle, in any temperature and even zero gravity.
One day, when I was a student, the director of our institute called me.
He said "Viru Shastrabhuddhe!" I said "Yes, sir!"
Come here! I got scared
He showed me this pen
And he said, "This is a symbol of excellence."
I give it to you.
And the day when you meet an extraordinary student like yourself
Pass this pen onto him.
For 32 years, Viru Shastrabhuddhe has been waiting for the next Viru Shastrabhuddhe
Anybody here in this batch who will to take this pen?
Good. Put your hands down.
Should I write that on the notice board?
I said put down your hands down!
Sir, I have a question, sir.
Sir, if fountain pens and ball pens didn't work in space, why didn't they try using a pencil, sir?
They could've saved millions of dollars!
I will get back to you on this.
That idiot kicks the senior's ass at night
And irritates the Director, during the day. I'm telling you, if we stay with him, he will get us killed!
Dude, you totally messed with Virus!
King! You're great!
Accept our offering!
Get lost! Don't you have school?
And who will pay my fees? Your father?
Why are you getting my father into this?!
Hey stop! Stop, Raju! What are you doing, man?
Hey listen!
You don't need fees to go to school. All you need is a uniform!
Whichever school you'd like to go to, get their uniform
And then go quietly sit in that class.
Who will know in that big crowd of kids?
And if I get caught?
If they catch you, change your uniform and then change your school!
There was something special about him.
He challenged set customs and ways of living in the world.
He was really the only free bird in Virus' nest.
We were all just robots being operated by a remote control held by our professors.
But he was the only one
who was perhaps not a machine.
What is a machine?
Why are you smiling?
Um. Actually, sir. I used to dream of studying at an engineering college.
Today I'm finally here so I'm feeling pretty excited, sir!
There's no need to be too excited. Tell me the definition of a machine.
Um
Sir
A machine is anything that reduces human effort, sir.
Will you please elaborate?
Sir,
Anything that make work for a human easier or that saves time, is a machine, sir.
If you're feeling hot, you press a button. There's wind blowing. The Fan! It's a machine, sir!
You can talk to your friend miles away. Telephone! It's a machine, sir.
You can calculate numbers in minimum time. Calculator! It's a machine, sir.
Sir, in this world, we're actually surrounded by machines, sir.
From a Pen's nib to a Pant's zip. They're all machines, sir!
In one second it goes up, and in another second, it goes down. Up down! Up down!
What is the definition?!
Sir, that's what I'm telling you
Will you write all this in your exam? Huh?
"This is a machine. Up and down. Up and down"?
Idiot!
Anybody else?
)*&#^*&#*&(%#(*&#
)*&%*&#%&*(#*&%#
$(^($*&%#*&%#
*(&^%%%$^&*&*&^%$%&*
Blah blah blah
*(&#*&%(*&#%%#
Wow, that's great! Perfect.
Great. Please sit down.
Thank you. Thank you.
But sir, I said that same thing. Just in more simple language.
If you like "simple language", join an Arts or Commerce College.
But sir, we should at least be able to understand it!
If you're learning it up verbatim from the book, what is the use, sir?
Oh you know more than the books?
The books have the same definition. And if you want to pass, you'll write that exact same thing.
But sir, there are other books as well where...
Get out.
Oh. But why?
In "simple language", please go outside.
Idiot.
So we were talking about machines.
Hey! Why'd you come back?
I forgot something, sir.
What?
Instruments that record, analyze, summarize, organize, debate and explain information
that are illustrative and non illustrative; hard bound, paper back jacketed or non jacketed
with a forward introduction, table of content, index, that are intended for the enlightenment, understanding
enrichment, enhancement and education through the human brain's sensory route of vision...sometimes touch!
What is that you wish to say?
Books, sir. Books.
I forgot my books, sir. Can I take them?
Couldn't you just say that simply?
I tried sometime before, but you didn't like it the simple way, sir.
Professors used to keep Rancho outside the classroom more often than in.
If he got kicked out of one class, he'd go sit in another classroom.
Rancho used to say that there was knowledge everywhere. Go get it from anywhere you can.
He was so different from all of us.
We used to fight for bathroom everyday,
but wherever Rancho got water, he'd have a bath there itself!
He was very much attached to machines
He used to carry a screwdriver in his pocket where ever he went
He would open every machine he found. Some he was able to close again.
Some remained open.
There was another guy, just like him.
Joy Lobo
Sir! Excuse me, sir.
Mr. Joy Lobo.
Sir, if you could tell me what the convocation dates are.
Why?
Actually dad wanted to get a reservation.
I'm the first engineer in my village, sir. All my relatives want to come for the convocation!
In that case, make a phone call to your dad.
Son, please. Please don't waste my time. Hurry up!
Hello?
Dad! The director sir would like to speak to you.
Joy?
Mr. Lobo, your son won't be graduating this year.
What happened, sir?
He has violated all the deadlines.
Mr. Lobo, Mr. Lobo! It's an unrealistic project. I had told him.
He's making some nonsense helicopter.
So I would recommend you to not reserve those tickets. I'm so sorry.
Sir, I'm this close, sir!
Is your project ready?
Sir at least take a look at this once! Sir, please.
Submit it and I'll take into consideration.
Sir give me an extension, sir. Why? Why should i give you an extension?
Sir, after my father's stroke, I couldn't concentrate for 2 months. Sir, please!
Did you stop eating food and drinking water for those 2 months?
No
Did you stop having a shower? No?
Then why did you stop studying?
Sir I'm very close, sir. Please take a look at this. sir. Please!
Mr. Lobo, my son died falling off of a train on a Sunday afternoon.
On Monday morning, Viru Shastrabhuddhe gave a lecture here. So don't tell me that nonsense.
I can only give you sympathy. Not an extension.
Sir
We spent most of our lives, dying to live. Now, even if just for a moment, let us live.
What a great design he made! A wireless camera over a helicopter?
Traffic updates, security! It can be used for anything!
But Virus was saying that it's an impractical design. It will not fly, it seems.
How will it not fly? We'll make it fly!
Hey! Don't tell Joy. We will surprise him.
We'll make this fly outside his window and then record his reaction!
If we do his project, who will do ours?
Test, viva, quizzes included, there are 42 exam every semester!
Hey! You worry way too much, man.
Take your hand. Put it over your heart and say,
Aall iz well. Aall iz well.
All is well?
AALL iz well!
What is this new thing, Prophet Ranchoddhas?
Hey, in our village there used to be a watchman. He used to yell "AALL IZ WELL!" at night.
And we used to feel safe and sleep peacefully
One night there was a robbery in our village. And then we found out that he actually was blind at night,
He used to yell 'aall iz well aall iz well' just like that.
and we used to sleep peacefully like fools!
but that day I understood something,
That this heart, right? This is heart is a big coward!
We need to keep fooling it
In life, no matter how big the problem is
Keep telling your heart
Nothing's wrong, man. Everything is okay. Aal iz well Aal iz well.
And that will solve the problem?
No but our heart will find the courage to face it.
Remember this mantra. It's going to be useful over here!
When your life is out of control, purse your lips and say
Whistle and say
AALL IZ WELL!
The chicken doesn't know what happens to the egg
If it finds life or gets fried on the stove
Nobody knows what their future entails.
Purse your lips, whistle and then say, AALL IZ WELL!
Confusion and more confusion. We don't know the solution.
If we find the solution, we forget the question.
This heart that gets scared so easily
Put your hand on your heart and tell it to calm down.
The heart's an idiot, tell it
Purse your lips, whistle and then say, AALL IZ WELL!
I got it! I got it! Yeah!
Take it to Joy's window!
Hey Joy! Further up!
Hey! Look at silencer! He's naked!
Hey Joy! Come out, Joy!
Hey, Joy! Look outside!
Joy!
# Give me some sunshine. Give me some rain #
# Give me another chance. I want to grow up once again #
There's good news, sir.
Neither the police know
Nor Joy's dad.
Everyone thinks that it's a suicide, sir
That's the reason for death in the Postmortem Report.
"Intense pressure on the wind pipe, resulting in choking"
These fools believe that
he died because of the pressure here.
But what about the last 4 years of pressure over here?
That's not even in the report, sir.
These engineers are usually so smart, sir.
But they haven't invented a machine, that could really measure the pressure over here, sir.
If they had, they would've known this this wasn't a suicide. It's murder.
Are you blaming me for Joy's suicide?
If a student cannot tolerate the pressure, am I the one responsible?
There will be so many pressures in life
And will you blame other people for each of them?
Sir, I'm not blaming you.
Actually, I'm blaming the system.
Sir, I've got some statistics.
Sir, the number of suicides are the highest in India
Every half hour, a student in India attempts suicide.
Students die less because sickness and more because of suicides here, Sir.
Something's obviously wrong, sir.
I can't say anything about the other colleges, but this one, is the finest college in the country
I've been running this college for 32 years.
I brought this college up from the 28th position to Number 1!
Sir! What Number 1, sir?
Here we don't talk about new ideas. Or about new inventions!
We only talk about getting good grades, or a good job in the USA.
We don't gain any knowledge here, Sir.
They only teach us how to bring back good grades here.
Now you are going to teach me how to teach a class?!
Please sit down.
Today we have a great leader amongst us
Who claims that he can teach better than our highly qualified teachers
So today our Professor Ranchhodas Chanchad will teach us Engineering.
We do not have all day.
You all have 30 seconds.
You need to find the meaning of the words written on the board.
If you want, you can make use of your books as well.
The one who finds the answer, raise your hand!
We'll see who comes first and who comes last.
Your time starts now.
Time's up
Time's up, sir. Time's up.
What?
Nobody found the answer?
Now rewind back that last 1 minute of your life and think.
When I asked you this question
Did anybody think that today, we will get to learn something new? We will have fun!
Anyone? Sir?
No
Everybody started racing with each other to find the right answer.
What's the use of studying if you come first studying like this?
Will you improve your knowledge? No
The only thing that will increase is pressure.
And this is a college, not a pressure cooker!
The lion in a circus learns that he needs to sit on the chair if his owner has a whip in his hand.
But that lion is called well-trained, not well-educated.
Hello?
This is not a philosophy class!
Tell us the meaning of those two words, that's it!
Sir, actually. These two words don't exist.
These are the name of my friends.
Farhan and Raju.
Quiet!
Nonsense!
This is how you would teach Engineering?!
No, sir. I'm not teaching you Engineering. You know Engineering better than me.
I was just teaching you how to teach.
And I believe that someday you will learn for sure!
Because I never leave my weaker students behind.
Bye, sir!
Quiet!
Quiet, i said!
I regret to inform you that your sons Farhan, Raju are heading in the wrong direction.
If you don't take required action to correct them, their future could be spoiled.
Virus' letters fell down in our homes like atom bombs
There was mourning in Hiroshima and Nagasaki
and we were both invited back home to get kicked.
Come! Come inside!
Look there.
We could only afford one air conditioner.
And we didn't put it in our bedroom. We kept it in Farhan's room so he would be able to study conveniently.
I didn't buy a car. I'm still riding a scooter until now.
We invested all our money in Farhan's education.
We sacrificed our future for Farhan's better future. Do you understand this?
Then you can imagine what I must be going through after receiving that letter.
Hey! Did you take all of these photos, Farhan?
Be quiet!
He used to be into photography for a while.
He used to take pictures of animals and say that he wanted to become a wild life photographer.
Son, what was your percentage that year?
91 percent.
Did you hear that?
From 94 percent, he went straight down to 91 percent!
You think this is funny?
No, uncle. No!
I was just saying that these pictures he has taken, are great!
Why are you making him an engineer? You could've made him a wildlife photographer!
I'm begging you.
Please don't spoil my son's future.
Kids
Dinner's ready. Come.
When you come over next, you can eat.
Dad didn't let us eat.
And finally, to fill our hungry stomach with food and another quota of complaints
We reached Raju's house
Raju's house reminded us of the 1950's black and white films
One small room where his paralyzed father stayed
His coughing mother.
And an unwed sister.
A sofa with all its springs out
And 24 hours running water from the terrace
His mother had retired from school and seemed to be tired all the time.
His father used to be a postman in his time.
After his paralysis, he lost half of his body and all of his salary.
And his sister...
Kammo's now 28 years old!
And they are asking for a Maruti 800 as dowry.
If you don't study, how will she get married?!
Some Okra? Yes, please. Thank you.
Did you know? Okra is now priced at 12 rupees per kg.
and cauliflower is 10 rupees a kg!
They're looting all the people in the country!
And then on top of that, we get these kinds of letters from your college!
What will we eat?
Do you want some tofu?
Someday, they're going to sell tofu in the goldsmith's shop!
Some tofu?
No, no, no. That's enough.
Mom, please leave it alone.
Okay, okay. I'll keep quiet.
I earn for my kids, work like a servant and after that, they tell me to keep my mouth shut.
Hey! These are the problems at home. If I don't tell my son, whom shall I tell? His friends?
Hey Raju!
We were confused. Should we pacify our friend or wipe his mum's tears?
Then we thought, forget it. Let's just concentrate on the peas and tofu for now.
Even the cream for his eczema comes for 55 Rupees now!
Would you like more roti, son?
No, no! We're done! My stomach's full, aunty!
Okra's 12 rupees! And cauliflower 10!
At least we offered you some food!
Not like your father. Hitler Qureshi!
Yeah, yeah. And your mother is Mother Teresa, right? She was serving us eczema roti!
Hey! Don't make fun of my mother!
Hey! Leave it. Why are you guys fighting? I'm feeling damn hungry. Let's go and get some food!
It's month end, man. Who'll give us the money? His Mother Teresa?
You don't need money to have food, dude. All you need is a uniform.
Look there!
Come
Good evening! Good evening!
Oh uncle!
Hey, listen! Get us 3 glasses of vodka!
Half soda, half water. You guys will get us killed!
What starters do you have available?
Whatever. Just get us two plates each.
And leave this here!
And change the music, man. Put on some older songs!
Pia! What the hell is this?
What have you worn?
A bloody eighteenth century watch?
What will people say?
Look at Suhas's fiance. She is going to be a doctor
yet she wears a watch that costs only 200 bucks?
Please take it off. Thank you.
Hi, handsome!
Hey, aunty!
You're looking good!
Don't miss my set, darling.
Rubies?
They're from Mandelave.
Mandelave, wow!
Hey, lets go meet David! Of course, of course.
Excuse me.
Yes?
Um, flowers.
Can I take this glass away from you?
Why?
Just in case you hit my head with the glass.
Why would I hit you with it?
Because I'm going to give you some free advice.
What?
Don't ever marry that fool.
Excuse me?
He is not human. He is just a price tag. Just a price tag. Listen!
All your life, he will irritate the hell out of you telling you the prices of different things.
Your life will be terrible and your future will be finished.
Should I give a demo?
Should I find out what the price of his shoes are?
I'm not going to ask him. He will tell me himself. Just a sec
Oh my god!
Hey! Hey!
What have you done?
They're 300 dollar shoes!
You dropped mint sauce on my 300 dollars shoes!
Run away. It's free advise. Take it or leave it.
Genuine itallian leather! Hand stitched!
Dad
Are they your guests?
They are my students.
Why are they here?
One second.
This is really good, dude. Smells so good.
Hey! There's no space for the bread, dude. Adjust it on the side.
Hi
Hey! Hi.
You opened my eyes. Thank you so much
Oh don't worry about it. It was my duty.
Can I ask you for little more help?
Yeah yeah!
My dad won't let me break my engagement with Suhas.
You explain everything so well!
Would you be willing to show my dad a demo?
Yeah yeah! Why not? I'll give him a demo
Raju, can you give me the mint sauce?
You're really sweet.
Where is your dad?
Right behind you.
Oh!
Aal iz well. Aal iz well.
Run away. It's free advise. Take it or leave it.
What are you all doing here?
Sir, We'll go give the gift on the stage and come back.
Give it to me!
I'm the bride's sister.
Um, sis... sister?
Sir, how many daughter do you have in total?
It's empty.
Since we didn't invite you
You are all from the groom's side, right?
No actually, sir. We're from science's side.
How?
Can you explain?
Dad, he explains things very well.
Now he'll give us a demo, right?
Um, sir. In Delhi, there are a lot of power cuts.
And this really affects all the weddings happening as well. So I thought I'd make an inverter.
That can generate power from all the cars that have come to the wedding.
Oh
Wow.
So did you make that inverter?
Sir, the design is ready, sir.
Uh, where is the design, Farhan?
I'd given you the design, right?
Uh, I'd given it to Raju.
Raju? Uh, Design?
Sir, actually. Let's leave the design. I'll make you the actual inverter and show it to you!
You can only make a fool of us, not the inverter
No, sir. I'll definitely make the inverter. I promise
And I'll give it your name, sir!
Because after all, it was invented at your daughter's wedding. It'll be an honour!
Farhan. Raju. I wish to see both of you in my office tomorrow.
Sir, what was your per plate cost, sir?
We'll pay you back, sir
...in installments.
And now we won't enter any marriage, sir.
Yes, sir. I won't even enter my own marriage.
In fact, I won't even marry, sir. Neither will he!
Yes, yes, sir. Even I won't.
Even your parents shouldn't have married.
2 idiots wouldnt've have taken birth in this world.
Sit!
Pay attention
This is Ranchhodas's father's monthly income.
2.5 crores rupees.
Now, from this
If you remove one zero, or say two zeroes.
It doesn't make much of a difference.
But if I reduce one more zero,
I would start to worry a little.
This is your father's monthly income, Mr. Farhan!
Ye... Yes sir.
and now if you make it one more zero less,
Now, this is your family income, Mr. Raju Rastogi.
There's a big reason to worry.
Follow Viru Shastrabhuddhe's suggestion - Change your rooms.
Shift in with Chathur Ramalingam.
Exams are getting closer, and if you'll be hanging out with that Chanchad
You will never pass your exams!
Do you want to get a shave?
No, sir.
Then get lost!
Raju, try and understand!
Virus is playing a game with us - divide and rule!
Don't get scared.
I have to be scared!
For me, to get a good job, I have to get good grades. And he decides my grades!
I don't have a rich father like you, who I can live off of.
Hey Raju! What are you saying, man?
Are we always going to do what he says, huh? Aal iz well, aal iz well?
You can be his follower. Not me!
Hey! Now you're crossing a line.
No, I'm making a line! Between us. Because I have a family to support!
Half my mother's salary goes in buying medicines for my father
Kamo isn't getting married
Because the groom wants a Maruti 800!
Over the past 5 years,
my mother hasn't bought one saree!
Man, if you're bring your mother's sarree in this argument, what can we say?
So, man, buying how many sarees would be reasonable in a year?
Don't make fun of my mother.
Hey, Raju! We will study. We will study with complete dedication
But not just to pass exams.
A great scholar once said, "Never study to be successful, study to achieve excellence!"
Don't run behind success,
excellence
Follow excellence
Success will come running behind you.
Which great scholar said this?
Prophet Ranchoddas?
Hey, hey! Don't be tensed, man.
We'll top our exams. Nothing is impossible!
Nothing is impossible, huh?
Here
Now put this back inside.
Raju changed his train compartment.
Now, he started his journey ("saffar") with Chatur.
Not the "saffar" in hindi
The English - "suffer"
S
U
F
E
R
SUFFER
Everybody called Chathur "Silencer".
To make himself smarter
Chatur used to eat a Bengali Baba's pills
and then he'd silently fart it out
I didn't do it
Raju!
And then he always blamed others.
Silencer used to cram 18 hours a day.
And the night before the exam, he would do his best to distract others
# oh baby. Come on, baby #
He believed that they were only two ways you could top an exam
One, by getting those grades yourself. And two, by reducing the grades of other.
Rancho concocted a plan where he could both, teach Chatur a lesson And help Raju.
The director has brought about many miracles here at the University.
'Chamatkaar' means miracles.
I don't need the meanings, sir. I'll just memorize it!
Chatur had been chosen to give the introductory speech on Teacher's Day.
To impress Virus, he was getting the librarian, Dubey, to write the speech for him in eloquent hindi.
Hello?
Yes, I'll call him.
Chatur! You have a call.
Mr. Dubey, please print this out. I'll be back in a bit!
I might as well do everything for him.
Hey, Mr. Dubey!
The director just remembered you!
Okay! Give this to Chatur. I will be back soon.
Hello? Hello?
Hello? Mr. Ramalingam?
Yes?
I'm calling for the Lajpat Nagar Police Station.
Are you from Uganda?
Uh. Yes, sir!
Hmm. You see, your life is at risk.
What?! How?!
Listen to my instructions carefully!
Or else, as soon you step out of the college gate, you'll find yourself dead in the middle of the road!
Why?! What has happened?!
By the time Chatur had recovered from that shock
Rancho had changed a couple of words in his speech
like,
Chamatkaar [miracle] had now become balatkaar [rape]
You called me, sir?
Who are you?!
Mr. Dubey, sir. The librarian.
I'm on the permanent staff, sir.
Congratulations.
One minute, one minute.
The commissioner is calling. Hold on.
Excuse me, sir! Sir!
Talk to him. I don't know what to say!
Yeah, yeah. What was I saying?
You were telling me that outside the gate, I will die!
Yes! When you go outside the gate, you will see a signal
Traffic signal. Traffic signal! Yes, okay!
When that signal turns red
All vehicles will stop!
Okay, okay. Then?
Then you cross the road very carefully
Because you know, son, nowadays the traffic is terrible.
So if a car hits you or something, you could die!
What nonsense! I know that!
Oh! You know that?! Very good, son. Then you're safe! Well done, well done.
# What a fool #
Silencer! Dubey gave me this to give you.
Hey! You don't call me that, Chanchad!
Chanchad!
The director told me that he didn't call me!
I didn't say he called you. I said he remembered you!
Idiots!
Respected teachers
The honorable chief guest, Mr. RD Tripati
All students and my dear friends
Today ICE is touching the skies
and the credit goes to only one man!
Mr. Viru Shastrabuddhe
Please give him a hand
Sir, I know he's saying it,
But every word is mine.
Mr. Shastrabuddhe is a great human being. Really, sir, you are
For the past 32 years, he has always
in this University
raped more and more kids
He means, more and more miracles.
And I hope he will always continue to do so
We are astounded
that one person can perform these many rapes in his lifetime.
With his extreme self discipline
He has made it possible for him to do so
His incredible use of time
and his amazing utilization of the clock
We all should learn from him!
Must learn from him, must learn from him.
Sit down! Sit down!
Today, we students, are all here
Tomorrow, we will be in many different countries
And I promise you all
No matter what country we will be in, we will continue to rape
in the name of ICE!
We will show everyone
the capability of students here to perform rape
No other students around that world have that capacity
No other students! No other students!
Respected minister
Greetings!
You have given this institution
What we need most
Money money
Breasts
Not that! That means...
What kind of crap is this boy speaking?!
Everybody has breasts
But they keep it hidden
Nobody ever gives it
Yeah? Yeah?
This boy is so vulgar!
You have given your breasts to this rapist!
Now, let's see
how he makes use of it!
Shashtrabuddhe, are you stupid?!
This boy is indecent!
On this momentous occasion, I shall relate a proverb
Listen, listen. He will now explain his farting prowess in Sanskrit!
The first fart sounds like a motor vehicle
The second fart sounds like a train.
The third one is like the siren of an ambulance.
And the quietest fart
does the job of a silent killer.
This is what happens if you study like him and cram things without understanding
You can survive here for 4 years, if you cram
But for the next 40 years, you will keep getting raped!
Man, we tried to make him understand. He still doesn't understand.
The second fart sounds like a train! .
Unbelievable, man!
You're a poet, Rancho
It was so much fun!
That poor guy had no idea!
Hey! Hey you!
You swines!
How have I ever harmed you?
haha
Sorry, man. Please don't take it personally.
I WILL take it personally
Chatur Ramalingam will not forget this insult.
I will think about it, every minute, every second of my life
Man, forget it. We were actually giving Raju a demo
That he shouldn't blindly cram things and study.
Understand it and study. Enjoy the beauty of science, man
I'm not here to enjoy anything!
Then why are you here? Have you come to rape us? Or to rape science? ...like a train!
Laugh! Laugh at my methods.
One day, you'll be using these methods.
I'll be successful and I'll show everybody
And then I will laugh and you will cry!
Man, you're boarding the wrong train again
Don't run behind success.
Become a great engineer and then success will follow you.
These ideals don't work in the real world, Chanchad!
You board your train and I'll board mine
And ten years from now, we'll be back at this same station
On this same date!
And then we'll see who is more successful!
You?
or I!
Do you dare?
Do you dare?!
Let's bet on this. Tell me!
Will you come?
Will you?
What are you doing man?
What's going on with him?
What is he writing?
Don't forget this date!
I'm not used to getting such expensive gifts, Suhas
Get used to it, Pia. You're going to be Suhas Tandon's wife!
Where's the bill, man?
I'll be back, okay?
YOU were the one who changed the speech, right? Don't lie!
Oh. Um, yeah.
What problem do you have with my dad, huh?
I don't have any problems with him
See, I'm even making an inverter in his name! Look at this!
Oh!
She broke it!
Why are you bent on irritating my dad?!
Because he's running a factory, not a college
Which manufactures donkeys every year
Look! Look over there... there's your donkey!
How dare you call him a donkey!?
Then what else should I call him?
First he studied engineering, then he studied MBA and then went to America to work for a bank!
If he wanted to end up working for a bank, then why did he do engineering?
For donkeys like him, life is merely a profit or loss statement
He sees profit in being with you, which is why he is with you
You're the director's daughter who is going to be a doctor. It's good for his image.
He isn't attached to you!
What do you think of yourself?
How can you say that Suhas is not interested in me?!
Wait! You bought a new watch?! One minute, hold this.
You need to see a demo each time, don't you?
Hey Suhas!
Where were you? I've been looking for you!
She lost her watch, man! She's looking for it.
What?! You lost the watch?!
Forget it, man. She can get a new one.
But it cost 4000!
4000?! My watch only costs 150, but it shows the same time
Oh shut up!
How could you be so careless, Pia? This careless attitude is disgusting!
It's disrespectful
You just lost a limited edition watch!
Just because you got it for free? Now, wear your 18th century watch to dinner.
What?! What are you staring at?
Now you're going to cry. Real mature, Pia
I can't handle this! Now stop crying and search.
Search for some other hand that will wear this watch. Donkey!
Hey, that was awesome! You said donkey to his face!
Get lost!
Man, it's so noisy here.
She's saying thank you and I hear 'get lost!'
That's what I said. Get lost!
Why are you getting so angry?
You know, you actually never really loved him at all!
What do you mean?
I mean, when he comes in front of you
Have you ever felt like the wind is blowing or that your scarf is flying away in slow motion?
Or that the moon looks bigger in the sky?
Things like that only happen in a movie, not in real life!
No! It happens in real life too. If you love a human being, it'll happen.
But yeah, it doesn't happen with donkeys
Hello? Yeah?
What?!
Oh god!
Okay, okay. I'm coming. Yeah, bye.
Hey! You're a medical student, right?
I need your help! It's an emergency. Please! Please!
Come with me, please!
You doctors take an oath that you would never say no to a patient!
What do you call it? Hippocractic oath!
Please, it's an emergency. Please!
You barged into my sister's wedding, you broke my engagement.
My father is taking BP pills because of you!
And I'm helping you!
Unbelievable!
This hippocractic oath has screwed us doctors over!
Aunty! Where is Raju?
He has gone to get a taxi. We called for an ambulance two hours ago!
This country is so weird! You can get pizza in 30 minutes, but not an ambulance!
He must be hospitalized. Urgently!
Hey, stop, man!
Move move move move
Doctor doctor! Emergency emergency!
Patient
Keep this with you!
Hey Raju!
Asshole! You brought my dad on a scooter?
Should I have sent him through speed-post, instead?!
Don't make fun of my father's profession!
Where?! Where is dad?
Go ask the doctor.
That was a close call, Pia
Had you been a few minutes late, we would have lost him.
It's good that you didn't wait for an ambulance and brought him on a scooter. I have to go. Call me if you need something.
Rancho
Thank you, man
Ass, you're now saying 'thank you' to a friend?
Is that 'Silencer' teaching you manners?
Hasn't he told you? Friendship is the biggest... 'breast' of a human!
Go, go. Now, go. You guys have an exam tomorrow, right?
Oh, there are a lot of exams. But a father? Mostly just one.
Now we'll only go after we get our postman! Fear not.
Rancho. Forgive me, man. I was scared.
Enough, enough. Ssshh, it's okay. Quiet.
I'm sorry
Enough, now
Enough.
Now go meet your father, but not with such a gloomy face.
Go!
Thanks, man!
Go
# He was our friend #
Your scooty saved a life today. It's quite nice.
How much was it?
You should put mint sauce on it. It might tell you!
Aaah!
Hey! Happy Independence day.
But today's not the 15 of August.
It is for you. Now you can wear your mother's watch whenever you want!
Nobody will ask you why you've worn an 18th century watch and all that.
Bye
Hey!
How did you know that it was my mother's watch?
If a girl is nicely dressed from head to toe at her sister's wedding
Except for one old watch, what does it say?
You were missing your mom a lot that day, weren't you?
Yes
Your mother must've been very beautiful, right?
Yes. How do you know?
Have you looked at your dad?
Life is a race. If you don't run fast, you'll be like a broken egg of the cuckoo bird.
The winds sing melodiously
As do the skies and heaven
Zoobi doo. Param pam
Zoobi doobi. Why does my crazy, stupid heart dance in delight?
The rustling leaves are singing. As do the bees hovering over the flowers.
The wild moonbeams sing, as do the birds
Two flowers converse in the garden
What happens in films is exactly what's happening here!
Zoobi doobi zoobi doobi pam param Zoobi doobi parm pam
Zoobi doobi. Why does my crazy, stupid heart dance in delight?
Today, I'll teach you how to prepare mint sauce.
This sauce is very useful
This is not only to eat but also useful when used to understand people
Now your bad times are behind you
You can let go of the donkeys, and love the humans.
This is a perfect time to find love
The temperature is moderate, and the skies are clear and blue
But if you've felt any love for anyone, it's definitely going to rain on you
The wind whistles and howls.
The pattering rain drops and this fierce lightning
As you sway your hips in a wet saree
What happens in films is exactly what's happening here!
The moonlight sings as it treads on Earth
A shooting star sings as it flirts
The night languishes in solitude. Come be with me.
What happens in films is exactly what's happening here!
Hello! Wake up!
What?! Is uncle dead or what?!
No, stupid!
It's already 8:30. Your exam starts at 9am. Don't you want to go?
How can we leave uncle here alone and go?
I'm here. The doctors are here and it's only about 3 hours.
Come on! Take my scooter and go. Come on, go. It's getting late.
Hey!
What an old watch you've worn!
Go!
Sorry, sir! We were late because of an emergency!
Settle down there!
Sir, they are still writing!
Hello? Time up!
Sir, 5 minutes, sir. We were half an hour late. It was an emergency, sir. Please, please
The examiner looked at as if we had asked for both his kidneys.
But we still continued to write
While he was busy arranging the papers according to roll numbers
It's over, sir.
You're late! I can't take your papers.
Sir, please, sir!
Sir, do you know who we are?
Even if you're the prime minister's son, I will not accept your paper!
Sir, do you know our names and roll numbers?
No. Who are you guys?
You don't know? Run run run run run!
Hey! What's your roll number?!
Where is it?
Where is his paper?!
Aah!
Today, we were going to get our results.
Scared and innocent, we were all busy striking deals with god
God, if you save me in the electronic paper, I will break coconuts!
Oh snake god! Save my physics! I shall give you a litre of milk everyday!
Oh cow god, just get me passing marks!
God, I'll treat the pretty women in my class like sisters. Please give me good results!
God, god! I'll offer you 100 Rupees a month! Surely! I promise, god!
Nowadays, you can't even bribe a traffic policeman with 100 bucks. It wasn't likely that god would fall for it!
Check from below! From below!
It's you, man. You're last.
And you?
Second last.
And Rancho?
He's not here, man
My heart sank.
Not because we were the bottom two, but because our friend had failed.
Not possible!
It's fine, Chatur.
There has to be a mistake. It's not possible!
This is injustice! Injustice! Oh god.
Why is this idiot "Silencer" whining so much?
He came in second.
Ass. Who came in first, then?
Rancho
Rancho! What?!
Move, man.
We learned something about human behavior that day
If your friend fails, you feel bad
But if your friend comes in first, you feel worse
That day, we were sad
But there were two people who felt worse than us
Ranchoddas Chanchad! You're in the first row, on the director's right!
Uday Sinha, second row. Third seat!
Alok Mittal, second row. Fifth seat. Hey!
Sir, is it compulsory to sit in the order of our ranks?
Why? Do you have a problem?
Sir, I have a problem with the entire grading system itself!
It's like caste system, sir. A grade students - kings! C grade students - slaves!
It's not nice, sir.
So you have a better idea, then?
Yes, sir. I do!
Results shouldn't be up on a notice board.
Why should we exhibit somebody's weakness in front of everyone?
Now sir, if you gave a blood test and your haemoglobin count was low.
Would your doctor give you tonic or put your report up on the TV?
Do you see, sir?
So basically, what you're saying is that I must go to each person's room one by one and tell them their results in their ear
You've come first. You've come second. I'm so sorry, you've failed!
No, sir. I didn't mean it that way.
But the thing is that grades create a divide
Now, see. I've come first so I'm sitting with you
Whereas my friends came in last, so they are seated in the back row, in a corner!
At least they're sitting here, even if it's in a corner. If they continue to be hang out with you, they'll be out of the photo!
They won't pass and no company would offer them jobs.
Sir, they would find a job somehow, sir.
I'm sure there are at least a few companies that likes to hire people and not machines to work!
That won't happen sir. They'll find a job, I guarantee it.
Oh! You guarantee? You guarantee it?
Bet? A bet?
Govind?
Even if one of them gets a job in the campus interview,
then shave off my moustache.
Okay, sir.
Happy?
Happy, sir!
Whoa!
You're trying to cover up your own horn, under the car's horn
Idiot! You sceptic tank! You're still having those pills?
I didn't do it
Raju?! Yeaaah!
We know this terrible smell from those days
This moron is solely responsible for global warming. I can't take it!
Hey! Give me your wallet, I'll go buy myself pants.
Don't worry, man. Wear Chatur Ramalingam's suit pants!
Hey! Don't you touch my suit!
Oh forget it. Rancho will remember you even without your pants!
Hey, sir. Where is this address?
Brother, if I was that educated, would I be selling groundnuts?
He doesn't know how to read.
But at least YOU know how to speak!
Brother, here in Shimla, do you know of any Ranchoddas Chanchad?
Oh yes, yes. He lives over there.
# He was like fleeting wind #
Let's go!
# Like a fluttering kite #
# Where did he go? Let's find him! #
Hey, Chatur! Here are your pills.
Oh thanks. Where did you find it?
They were in your pocket.
Hey! How dare you! Those are my pants.
Hey! What do you mean yours? Has that been written in the holy book?
Hey shut up. Remove my pants!
Hey! What are you doing, man! People will misinterpret. Moron
Let go!
I want it now!
What happened?
Rancho's dad.
Brother, where can I find Ranchhodas?
He's sitting right there.
Thank you!
Rancho?
Yes?
Oh, sorry! We were looking for Ranchoddas.
I am Ranchoddas. Yes?
Uh, no. Ranchoddas Shyamaldas Chanchad.
Yes. I'm Ranchoddas Shyamaldas Chanchas. What is it?
Ranchod son, take care of yourself.
Ranchoddas Chanchad?!
Raju!
Man, I must be the first man in history who travelled from Delhi to Shimla in his underwear. That too to meet a wrong person!
Man, the same name. The same degree. Even the same photograph.
But the person is different! What's going on? I can't understand.
Where did Silencer get Rancho's address?
Yeah!
Hey Chatur! Come here
Hey, hey!
How dare you open this! I got this from San Francisco
They're handmade biscuits
Especially for Mr. Phunsuk Wangdu
Phunsuk Bhangdu? Who is that?
Wangdu, Wangdu! W! W! Phunsuk Wangdu.
Do you know who that is?
He's a great scientist. 400 patents. The world wants him!
I've been chasing him for the past year. And I finally just arranged a meeting with him.
You know, once he signs a deal with my company, I will be huge. Huge!
Now stop praising this Wangdu and tell us where you got Rancho's address from?
You should be thanking Phunsuk Wangdu. I found a clue because of him.
Look here. My secretary, Tracy was here last month to arrange a meeting with Phunsuk Wangdu
Tracey couldn't get an appointment with Phunsuk but I found Rancho.
I checked Shimla's phone directory and I found 'Ranchoddas Chanchad'!
Then how did his appearance change? He heard that you were coming and got plastic surgery?
There is only one man who can answer that.
I'm sorry, dad!
I couldn't fulfill your last wish.
You kept telling me to take you to haridwar
But I kept waiting for the new highway to be opened
That new highway opened there
and you closed your eyes over here
I'm so sorry, dad!
I couldn't be a good son!
What are you saying, man?
You've become a great engineer! The degree's on the wall
You are a very good son!
How dare you enter my property without my permission, huh?
I'll put you behind bars!
Jackass, you'll be behind bars!
We've investigated everything.
Because of this ICE degree, you're taking on these highway contracts and hydro projects
This degree belongs to our friend. How did you get it?
This property is 150 acres. I'll blow your heads off and bury you in a corner and nobody will ever know.
Do you get it? Now get lost!
I'm taking my father's ashes to haridwar. If you say so, I can even take your bones with that
Grab the dad!
Over there! There, there!
Let go of my dad!
Aeeey!
Tell me who you are, or I shall immerse your father's ashes right here itself!
Give dad to me.
Your dad's ashes won't go into the holy water, they'll go into toilet water.
Aeey! Take dad out of the pot. Take him out of the pot!
If you press the trigger, I will press the flush!
I'm going to count until three, that's it.
Hey, who are you scaring, huh? Shoot!
Raju! Put it in!
One
Hey, we might go to hell, but along with that, we'll finish your dad. Got it?
Two
Then strain him. Remove your dad using a strainer!
What?
We got the wrong one! This is empty.
Empty?
Empty! We'll empty it!
No, no!
We'll empty it! We'll empty it! We'll empty it!
No! Hands up!
Come one, tell us! Tell us who you are!
I'm Ranchoddas, man!
Heeeeeyyy!
No, I swear! I swear on my dad. I'm telling the truth.
I'm Ranchoddas. He was Chotte(younger one)
Chotte? Chhote?
He was the son of our gardener.
And everybody called him Chotte
Even after his mother and father passed away, dad let him stay in the house.
He used to do odd jobs in the house, you know.
Changing bulbs, getting eggs and bread, ironing. Stuff like that.
But he was really into studying.
He used to wear my old uniform and go to school
And whatever class he liked, he would go sit in that one.
I used to take advantage of that
I used to make him do all my homework
And take my exams for me
I was having a great time
Until one day,
When a teacher saw a sixth grade student solving a tenth grade math problem
Which class are you in, son? What's your name?
We were caught.
My father is a big man so the teacher told him before the principal.
You began this, now you will end it.
All the people in this state salute me.
But as soon as I turn my back
They call me an illiterate.
This won't happen with my son!
He wants an education and I just want a degree.
Let it continue as it is. Make this boy an engineer.
I want Ranchoddas Chanchad's degree over there! On that wall!
I went to London for four years and he kept studying in ICE using my name
He had a deal with my father. After he got a degree from ICE
he promised he wouldn't meet anyone from ICE
He always said, I won't go meet anyone, but one day, two idiots will come looking for me.
Then, what will you do?
He misses you both a lot!
I'll give you his address
Go meet him
But don't tell anyone my secret, please
What secret?
Heeeeyy!
Sir, you've got the wrong jar. It's in here.
Hey, what the hell is going on?
Who was that gun man?
It's a very complicated story and without subtitles. You won't understand
Ignore it, ignore it.
Where are we going?
Ladakh
Ladakh?! Why?
To meet Rancho.
He's in Ladakh?!
What's he doing over there?
I don't know, but this is a school's address.
He's a teacher!
I'm vice-president of Rockledge corporation
And he's teaching, A for apple, B for ball!
D for donkey
Next week, I will be signing a multi-million dollar deal with Phunsuk Wangdu
And he's teaching A for apple, B for ball!
Today, my respect just grew even more for that idiot Rancho
We all went to college just to get a degree.
If we don't get a degree, we won't get a job.
If we don't have a job, no father would let us marry his daughter.
Banks won't give us credit cards, the world wouldn't respect us.
But that idiot came to college, not for a degree but to study.
He wasn't afraid to come last or greedy to come first
Who was the first man to step on the moon?
Neil Armstrong, sir!
Obviously. We all know that, but who was the second man?
Don't waste your time. It's not important.
Nobody ever remembers the man who came in second.
After two months, 26 companies will come to this college to offer you jobs.
That means before your finals,
You will all have jobs!
This is the last act, my friends
Put the medal on the pedal and press that accelarator. Go out and make history!
Any questions?
Uh, yes.
Sir, suppose a student does get a job
But he fails in the finals by 1-2 marks
Will we still have the job?
Very good question
Is there any other person here who is wondering the same thing?
As expected
Please come up on stage. Everybody, please give them a big hand. Come on stage, come.
Come, come. Don't waste my time.
For the past four years, these two have been the most consistent students of ICE
Because they've consistently, come last in every exam
Come, my geniuses, come.
If we remove their brains and sell them in the market, we would get a great price.
Because their brains have never been used
And to answer their question
Whether they pass or fail, it's not going to affect their jobs.
Because they are not going to get jobs at all.
I guarantee it.
Their names will be written in gold.
FARHANITRATE and PRERAJULISATION.
Please give them a big hand everyone
Jackass. He raped us completely.
Gang rape, you know. In front of.. In front of everyone!
God, I'll stop eating non-vegetarian. I'll light a thousand incense sticks.
Just do one thing, please
Take Virus away from this world.
Burn him in hell
Fry him in hot burning oil, God!
Hey!
God's not a contract killer
Idiot! Sit quietly.
Idiot, every year, you sit in the centre with Virus and take that photograph
While we are rotting on the side.
This year, I think, we'll be completely out of the photograph itself!
Hey!
Do you know why I come first?
Why?
Because I'm in love with machines
Engineering is my passion. Passion!
Do you know what your passion is?
Hey, that's my bag!
Shut up, man.
What are you doing, Rancho?
Hey!
This is your passion. This! This!
Go and post this letter!
But what is this?
5 years ago, he wrote this letter to his favorite wildlife photographer
Andre.... Istvan!
Yeah Istvan
He wanted to go to him, to Hungary, and learn work from him
But he was scared of his dad, Hitler Qureshi, so he never posted this letter at all
Dude, quit engineering and become a wildlife photographer!
Do something that you have talent for.
If Lata Mangeshkar's(singer) father told her to become a fast bowler.
Or if Sachin Tendulkar's(Cricketer) father told him to be a singer.
Imagine where they'd be today.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
Idiot. He loves animals but he's marrying machines!
Hey
Prophet Ranchoddas
My girlfriend and my wife both are engineering itself
Then why do I come last, tell me?
Because you are a coward. A coward!
Look at your hand. You have less fingers than the spiritual rings you wear.
One for your exam, one for your sister's marriage and one for your job.
Dude, if you fear the future so much, how can you live?
And how can you focus on today?
I've got strange friends, man
One of them is living in fear, and the other one is not living at all!
Hey
But you idiot! You do both things.
You're scared and you're not living
HEY. I'm not scared
Hey listen
He dying to be with Pia and he's scared to tell her.
Heyyyyy
Go, go. Get lost.
It's easy to give away free advise, but difficult to follow it
If you aren't scared, then go tell Pia! Tell her!
Hey, this is not at all connected to our conversation.
There is a connection!
Listen! Listen to me
I say, you should go tell Pia what you're feeling
And if you do, I'll go tell my dad that I want to be a photographer, and not an engineer.
Yes
Even I will remove all my rings before I go to the interview.
Now tell me
Will you dare to do something like that?
Prophet Ranchoddas is out of words! What will he say?
Come!
Where? Where?
Come.
Veeru
Jay is here, Veeru!
Look and see if there's a dog or something
Hey, cowards. I'm not afraid of anything
Hey, you guys go in. If there is any danger, I'll give you a Virus alert!
Idiot Virus. Old man!
Hey
Shall I give you some background music?
Pia?
Sshh! Don't scream
I'm Ranchoddas Chanchad.
Listen to me for 2 minutes, and then I will go away
[raju (singing) : Don't say anything at all!]
Pia
The 22 minutes I spent with you on your Scooty
were the most beautiful 22 minutes of my life!
I can spend the rest of my life with you on that Scooty!
Wow!
#everything is still#
Do you know? In my dreams, you're driving that scooty wearing bridal clothes.
And instead of the veil, you take off your helmet!
And then you come close to me to kiss me.
But the kiss never happens, man
Why?
Because our noses get in the way, and then I wake up
Noses never come in between when you kiss, stupid!
I'm sorry! I thought you were Pia!
I wish I was
Sis, why did you interrupt him?!
It took him 4 years to say this!
Pia! Kiss him and show him that noses don't get in the way.
You have my permission!
Kiss him. He's so cute!
Who is this?
My sister
Who are you?
You know when you were speaking, he kicked for the first time!
He? How do you know if it's a he or a she?
Dad asked an astrologer
He wanted to know if it's an engineer coming home, or a doctor.
What does that mean?
It means that if it's a boy, then he'll be an engineer and if its a girl, then she'll be a doctor.
Hey champ! You stay inside itself, please. Outside there's a circus.
And the circus ringmaster, your grandfather will spin the whip and say, run!
Life is a race! Run! Be an engineer.
But you be whatever your heart tells you to.
And if he scares you too much
Keep a hand over your heart and say, "AAL IZ WELL!"
He kicked!
Say it again - "AAL IZ WELL"
AAL IZ WEll!
Yes! He kicked! He kicked, Pia!
Say ALL IZZ WELL!
ALL IZZ WELL!
Go!
You sent a letter to my dad. Now take this pee-mail free from me!
Bird, fly fly fly
Pigeon, go go go!
Pigeon, go go go
Who is it?
Your future son-in-law, Idiot Virus. And marriage attenders!
Rastogi!
Security, that way. That way!
So you all have already learned about the simple pendulum.
Now let's get down to the advanced study about compound pendulum
It's an irregular object oscillating about its own axis
Let me demonstrate
What is this?
A pencil
What's inside it?
Lead!
Good! Lead is the axis to this pencil
Even you can be a compound pendulum if you osscilate about
Where is Raju Rastogi?
Present, sir!
Hi! Everybody is here.
Good morning, sir!
Where were you last night?
Sir, he was studying, sir. He was studying the whole night.
Really?
He hasn't slept for two night, that's why he looks like this, sir.
What are you saying?
What were you studying?
Um.
Induction motors, sir. Induction motor! He studied that chapter fully, sir. Induction Motor.
In that case, Mr. Raju Rastogi.
Yes, sir
Can you tell me how an induction motor starts?
Brrrrm.
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm
Brrrrrrrrrrm
Stop it!
Brrrrrrrrrrmmm brmmmmm brmm brm
Sir, rum!
Mr. Rastogi, let's have a cup of tea in my office.
Sir
Close the door
Do you know how to type?
Yes, sir.
Can you type out a letter for me?
Definitely, sir
Come sit
Sir I'm sorry, sir
Please type.
Dear sir,
It is my painful duty to inform you that your son is rusticated
No, no. Sorry. Delete it, delete it. Go back!
Your son, Mr. Raju Rastogi
is rusticated from the Imperial College of Engineering.
Come on. Type, type. Go on.
My father will die, sir!
Please type.
Sir, please, sir.
My decision is final and irrevocable
He's alive only so he can see me become an engineer, sir!
You could've thought of that before you pissed on my door.
Sir, give me one more chance! Sir, please. Just one chance!
Sir, please, sir.
Okay. Remove your name from the letter.
And put Ranchoddas Chhanchad's name!
I know he was with you last night.
Be my witness and I won't rusticate you.
You have 7.5 minutes to think.
# We won't let you go #
# We shall not let you leave #
# Even if god summons you #
# We won't fear him #
# We are standing our ground with resolve #
# We're not going to let go of you #
# No matter how hard you try to go #
# We're not going to let you leave like this #
# We won't let you go #
# We shall not let you leave #
Rancho, look at this monitor
Raju!
The body is paralyzed due to the shock
But his mind is alert
He can see us and hear us!
Please, aunty. Don't cry in front of him!
Talk to him normally. Motivate him. Crack jokes. Keep him happy.
Hey Raju, we have good news, man
Your father has become alright. That new medicine worked!
Is it Rastogi family tradition,
where if one man gets up, the other man has to lie down?
Come on Come on. Get up, now!
Your dad is asking for Pia's scooter?
What do you say? Shall we give it to him?
Will he crash it?
Hey Raju! Farhan wants to say something to you!
On webcam! Live from the hostel!
Look at this! Virus has cancelled your suspension. Problem solved!
Come on. Wake up now, at least!
Everything is solved!
Hey! Are you listening? Hey!
Rastogi!
Look at this! Your mom bought a new saree. A new saree!
Brand new!
It cost 2000 bucks, son. See!
At least, get up now. Idiot!
Not only one. She bought ten sarees. Ten!
Look!
Hey Raju
Raju, tell me. How do I look?
Hey! Kammo
Have you heard about Kammo?
Man, Kammo's marriage has been fixed
And that too, without any dowry!
Hey! The bridegroom. The bridegroom doesn't want a Maruti 800
He doesn't want anything. He wants Kammo. Only Kammo!
Yeah
and do you know who the bridegroom is?
Yes
Who is the bridegroom?
Guess!
You know him very well
Yeah
He loves animals a lot!
Yeah?!
And! ..And he's going to be a wild life photographer!
Hey, shut up! Shut up!
You still don't know?
Dude, it's our Farhan, man!
As if Farhan would ever take dowry for you!
Dude, our Farhan will marry your sister. Farhan!
And that too, for free free free!
Hey, hey!
Hey! Hey, Raju!
Raju
Even if we had told that idiot that we were giving him Okra and Tofu for free
He would've gotten up
Why did they have to sacrifice me?!
Well done, man. Well done, well done.
Everything is fixed! Your sister's marriage is fixed!
Farhan will marry her! Okay? It's done!
Rancho
Idiots. How much will you guys lie, man?!
You're saved! Idiot
Did you call for a taxi?
I called for it. It's waiting.
Thank you.
Why?
I have to go for a job interview.
Oh, so are you going to go with me?
No, I'll drop you home and I will go for that interview.
Idiot. Why would I go home?
Did you forget?
We had promised this idiot something.
Give me your tie.
Why?
Give it. I don't that think after reading this you'll be able to go for that interview.
What is this?
It's a letter
It's for you. From Hungary.
It's from some photographer. ..Andre Istvan.
Idiots! You posted my letter?!
He liked your photos a lot. And he's lost his mind.
He wants to make you his assistant.
He wants you to work with him in the brazilian rainforest for a year!
He even said that he'll pay you money
Dad won't let me.
Go to him. Make him understand. Explain it to him.
Don't be scared today, Farhan
Otherwise, 50 years from now, when you'll be old and in a hospital
Waiting to die
You'll think, I had the letter, and the taxi was at the gate
If I had that little bit of courage, my life would have been different.
What do you think? Will he like it?
What was the need to get such an expensive one?!
Today, my son will get a job.
Now, we can put our heads up high and be proud and you're being stingy, huh?
Hey, Farhan?!
Wasn't your interview today, Farhan?
I didn't go.
I don't want to be an engineer, dad.
What happened? Did you have an accident?
Sir
That building that you see in front of you,
I jumped off its third floor, sir.
Why?
Because I was rusticated.
Why?
Sir, I peed on the director's door when I was drunk.
Is that devil, Rancho still playing with your brain?
I don't understand engineering! Even I become an engineer, I will be a bad engineer, dad!
Rancho says a very simple thing,
Whatever you enjoy doing, make that your profession
Then work won't seem like work, but like fun.
How much can you earn in that jungle?!
Dad, the stipend isn't much, but I'll get to learn a lot.
After 5 years, when you see your friends buying cars
Then you'll curse yourself.
I'll be frustrated being an engineer,
and then I'll curse you throughout my life!
Dad, isn't it better if I curse myself?
People will laugh!
They'll say that you got to your final year and then you quit!
Kapoor sir told me that I'm lucky that my son is studying at ICE.
What will he think?
Kapoor sir didn't fix an airconditioner in my room
helping me sleep comfortably while he himself slept in the heat!
He didn't put me on his shoulders and take me around the zoo.
You did all of that, dad!
What you think, makes a difference.
What Kapoor sir thinks doesn't make a difference to me
I don't even know his first name!
Are you imitating a film by being so dramatic?
Stop it now! He is tensed!
God forbid, what if he tries to commit suicide like Raju?
Then, there should be no discussion at all.
Shouldn't say anything to our son or else, he'll jump from the terrace!
No, dad. I won't commit suicide.
I promise!
That Rancho
whom you call a devil!
Forcibly put yours and mom's photo in my wallet
He told me to promise him that whenever I had stupid thoughts like that
I'd look at this photo and think of what would happen to your smile if you saw my dead body.
Dad, I want to convince you
But not by threatening you with suicide.
What will happen, huh?
if I become a photographer? I'll just earn less, right? My home will be small, my car will be small
But, dad, I will be happy!
I will be really happy.
Whatever I do, I'll be doing it from my heart.
Until today, I have listened to everything you said. Today, just once, let me listen to my heart.
Please, dad.
Dad, don't go. Please.
Return this.
Son, how much would a professional camera cost?
Will we get it in exchange for this laptop?
If it costs more, then ask me, okay, Son?
Go. Go, son. Live your life.
Your grades have been consistently poor. Any specific reason?
Because of fear. I was a bright student in school
And my parents thought, this will abolish our poverty
I started getting scared.
When I came here, I saw that it was a race. If I don't come first, nobody would recognize me
I started to get more scared.
Fear is not good for grades, sir.
I started wearing more spiritual rings and praying.
Not just praying. I was begging to God
Give me this, give me that.
Then I got 16 broken bones and two months to think. Then I understood.
Sir, today, I haven't prayed to God asking him for this job.
I just folded my hands and said, thank you for keeping me alive.
Even if you guys reject me today, I don't have any regrets.
Because I know that I will do something worthy with my life, sir
See, this very frank behavior of yours will not be very good for our company.
We need a diplomatic person to handle the clients
and you are way too straightforward!
But, if you assure us that you can control this attitude of yours,
then, maybe we can do something.
Sure
I only learned to stand on my feet after breaking both my limbs, sir
I had to go through a lot to get this attitude. I can't, sir.
You keep your job and I'll keep my attitude.
I'm sorry. Don't mind, sir.
Stop
I've been recruiting for the past 25 years. I've conducted a lot of interviews
To get a job, people agree with everything we say
Where have you come from, man?
Sir? I..?
How much salary will you take, brother? Let's discuss.
Thank you, sir
Thank you.
King!
You're great.
Accept out offering!
Govind!
Sir! You only told me to remove your moustache, if one of them gets a job!
What have you done?
I feel like someone undressed me,
and humiliated me!
I won't let you win, Rastogi!
You are going to get the job, only if you pass the final
But this time, I'm going to set the paper for the exam.
Dad
That is not fair!
Everything is fair in love and war.
And this is World War 3
Rastogi, you're going to get it this time!
-
What are you doing here?!
Easy, easy.
You're drunk
Yes, man. I had to have a couple. Two-four drinks.
Two or four?
Two or four?!
I needed some courage
What for?
To steal this!
What is this?
A duplicate key to Virus' office
Ssshh!
Question papers are in the envelope with a red seal
Dad set the paper himself
to fail Raju in the exam
You should steal it!
Mad or what?
This is cheating! ..No.
Everything is fair in love and war
Okay, just tell me one thing
Do you really think
that noses would get in the way if we kiss?
Hmm.
Hey, have this dhokla. Hold this.
You Gujaratis are too cute, man. But why does your food sound so dangerous?
Dhokhla! Phaphda! Handwa! Thepia! Kakkrah!
They sound like missiles
Come on
Tonight, Bush dropped two dhoklas! 400 killed, 200 injured!
Come on.
Hey
I can deal with Kakkrahs and Phaphdas
But this name of yours
Ronchoddas Shyamaldas Chanchad!
Yuck!
I won't change my last name after we marry, okay?
Pia, we can't get married.
Why?
Do you love someone else?
No
Are you gay?
No
Then why don't you propose to me?
Are you impotent?
Then prove it! Prove it!
Pia, i'm not..
Hey stop stop stop stop!
What happened?
Man, we haven't informed Pia!
Oh stop now. My bladders are bursting!
Shut up, man
Are you in touch with her?
No, man.
But I have her landline number.
Then call her. I'll stop.
Yeah. Stop stop stop.
Hello?!
There's no place to "explode pee" in this country!
Hello? Yeah! Is Pia around?
She's not here, sir.
Ok, where will she be available? In the hospital?
Sir, why would she go to the hospital? She's getting married today!
She's in Manali
Pia's married!
It's not yet over. It's a 6 hour drive. If we speed up, we can get there before the marriage vows!
What do you say?
Well, you seem to have it figured out, bro. Take a U-turn!
Hey, no U-turn. Straight to Ladakh! We'll meet Rancho and come back.
I have a meeting with Phunsukh Wangdu on Friday
Come. Come, sit in the car.
If I miss the meeting, you know what will happen?!
The Japanese will get him.
They're offering him a first name in the company.
Phunsuk and Fujashi. I can hear the profit!
Pia weds Suhas
Thanks for the suit, man
Virus will have a heart attack, dude.
Hello. Hello.
Whenever his daughters get married, we come by to ruin it!
Okay, listen. I'll talk to Pia. You handle the Price-tag.
Farhan!
We found Rancho, Pia!
Is this for 107?
Yes, sir!
Give it here.
How much time do you take, man?
Sorry, sir
Come on. Go!
House-keeping, sir
Come in, sir
Quick! Quick! Iron my sherwani
We found Rancho! You will still marry this donkey?
You're crazy, Farhan.
Don't fool yourself, Pia.
You still love Rancho. And you're eating these dhoklas, thinking about him
Amour Amour
If you put a dog's tail inside a pipe for 12 years, it'll still be bent when you remove it
Shut up, Farhan! Suhas has changed.
Now he never talks about brands and prices
My 1.5 million Rupees Sherwani!
Why do you guys eat mint sauce?
Sir, I'll do something, sir.
What? What will you do?
Sir, we get shirts and sherwanis in our laundry everyday.
I'll clean it in 2 minutes, sir
Sir, one minute, sir.
Get it soon!
It's too late now, Farhan.
Pia, Pia! Come! It's getting late!
Pia, I'm Raju. Don't scream, people will kill me.
Where is Suhas?
He came in from house-keeping and took away his sherwani.
Go back inside and send Suhas.
They're chanting now, Pia. If I get up, they will be furious!
Yes, Farhan. Tell me.
The car is ready at the gate.
I'm telling you. Take Pia and run!
Don't move, man
Sir?
My sherwani?
You're here?
Yes
Then who is taking the vows over there?
Vows?
If they finish the vows, then the marriage is over. I'm already married, Pia. Let's go!
There are so many people here. They will all laugh!
So just because people laugh, you're going to willingly end your life?
Rastogi?!
Pia! People will gossip for two days and then forget about it
If you marry him today, you will never forget that there was a car at the gate
and that we were here to take you to Rancho, but only because you were scared
You married this donkey
House keeping?!
Pia, there is slight, minor problem.
What?
We don't know if Rancho is single or married.
What?!
I'm sure he wouldn't have!
And if he has?
Then we'll drop you back!
Hey, don't be tensed. Have this biscuit!
Hand made from San Francisco
Idiot!
Where did he come from?
Ignore him. Ignore him
You eat the biscuits. Eat!
It's very good
AAL IZZ WELL. AAL IZZ WELL!
Until yesterday I was a good citizen of this country
But in the last 24 hours, I got a plane to land because of an 'emergency'
Almost immersed Shyamaldas' soul in the toilet... literally!
And now kidnapped a bride from her own wedding
All for that idiot, Rancho.
But that idiot too gave his heart out to his friends
He had entered the Devil's territory, to try and steal the question paper for Raju
Search for an envelope with a red seal
Okay, come.
He was very afraid that if Raju failed, he would again try to commit suicide
But even we were very principled robbers!
We had sworn that we would steal the paper only for Raju. We wouldn't even peek at it!
Man, where has he hidden it?
If we keep searching like this, it'll soon be morning.
Rancho, ask Pia.
Where are you? I've been calling you since forever
Pia, your phone
Give it to me. One minute
When we say 'AALL IZ WELL' it kicks!
It kicked
Did you hear it?
Pia, your phone!
Got it! Rancho!
Hello?
At least call me sometimes!
Make a copy. Quick!
Take it
Put it back in its original place.
Carefully!
Hey, where have you guys been? Huh?
Huh?
Here. Take this.
What is it?
Have fun.
It's the question paper.
Virus set it himself to make sure you fail the exam
I've got weird friends, man
They first teach you how to live the right life
And then point me in the wrong direction
No. Today,
If I pass, it'll be because of my own ability
Otherwise it's okay if I fail
Idiot!
That idiot won my heart. And my heart wanted to make him my brother-in-law.
Um, then I controlled my emotions
Go, Go.
No, sir. No, sir. Please
You came to change the system
You piss on my door!
Bloody rascals.
Sorry, sir.
You are rusticated. If you aren't gone by morning, I'll call the police.
I'll call the police
Rascals! Rascals, all of you!
How did he get the key to my office?
I gave him the keys, dad
I wish I had given it to my brother
He would've been alive today.
Stop it, Pia
You think your son fell off the train and died?
Shut up, Pia
You decided that he would be an engineer.
Did you ever ask him, what he wanted to be?
You pressurized him so much, dad
He thought it would be easier to die than give that entrance exam!
What is she saying?!
Dad, just go to your room.
You go to your room!
Pia, stop it! What are you doing, Pia?! Pia, I'm telling you, Stop!
Brother wanted to study literature. He wanted to be a writer.
But he couldn't write anything other than this suicide letter!
Pia, hide that letter. Please!
'Til when can we hide it?
Once
Just once if you had told him
If you can't do engineering, then forget it!
Do whatever you want!
Then today, he would've been alive, dad!
He cannot have killed himself.
You're right, dad. It wasn't suicide.
It was murder!
The roads have been immersed with water. There are traffic jams all over the city!
Dad!
Mona!
Hey! Didn't I tell you to go back!? Then why are you following us?
Why? Does your mom own this road?!
Please help! We are desperate! Is there only one ambulance in this city?!
Get us an ambulance from another hospital!
The whole city is immersed in water, sir
We can't do anything
No, Pia!
Hey, Pia. What happened?!
Rancho! Pia!
Rancho, it's impossible to reach there, so you need to do as I say!
You guys are not understanding! Drive fast. You have to get here. You can't under..
They disconnected!
Mona!
Be careful. Be careful!
Turn on the light! Turn on the light!
Table, table! The table tennis table.
Raju, switch on the webcam!
Yeah
Yeah, Pia
Hello, Raju. Where is my sister? Show me!
Yeah. Hold on, hold on.
Don't worry. Hold on
Here, Pia
Mona, everything will be alright! I'm right near you, okay?
Pia I'm dying!
Rancho, when there weren't any hospitals and doctors, even then babied were born
You guys will deliver the baby.
Aah!
Aal izz well. Aal izz well.
How dare you?
What are you guys doing?!
Dad, don't come in between, please. Stay out of this, okay?!
Farhan, you go get towels and scissors.
Millimeter, get a cloth drying clip and hot water.
Rancho you cover up my sister.
Sister, push
Push, push. Come on.
Push!
Shut up! I can't push!
Rancho, see if crowning is happening?
What does crowning mean?
Go get that diagram
Rancho, see if the head is coming out
Come on rancho. Quickly
Go
Go go go. Go, Rancho. Go. Come on
No. No crowning. It's not coming, no.
Sister. Please push!
Mona.
Mona
She's tired, Pia
Wake her up!
If she doesn't push, there will be a huge problem
A vacuum cup has to be used, pia
Where will they get a vacuum cup from!?
What is a vacuum cup? How does it look? What do they do with it?
I'll show u
If the mother gets tired and is unable to push, then this cup is put on the baby's head
Suction pump creates vacuum and this cup sticks on the baby's head
Then the baby is pulled out
I can make this. I can make it.
How?
Vacuum cleaner, sir.
Vacuum cleaner?
Yes, sir. Vacuum cleaner,
But a vacuum cleaner's pressure is too much, Rancho
I'll control the pressure
Is there a vacuum cleaner over there?
It's in my office
Farhan, go get it from sir's office quickly!
Take the key
Mona. Push, Mona. Come on, push.
What happened?
Yeah, Pia
Hello, Raju! What happened?
Power cut, Pia.
Oh god! Now how will the vacuum cleaner work!?
Farhan, you get the vacuum cleaner and I shall get the power.
How?
Millimeter! Get Virus out. Fast! come on!
Come, Virus. Get out. Get out
No, not this Virus, man. My Virus. The inverter that I made
That?
Go get that soon
Okay, that one! I understand
Raju. Wake everyone up in the hostel!
And tell them that we want their car batteries, wires, tool kit and vaccuum gage.
Come out! There's an emergency in the common room!
Where is Rancho?
Sir, sir sir. Here sir
Everybody keep the batteries over here. Come,on. Quickly!
And the wires
Raju. Turn off all switches and connect this inverter to the main.
Take this
Rancho, vacuum cleaner!
Farhan. That camera cleaning thing. What do you call it?
Plower. Plower. Go get it soon.
Rancho, take the plower!
Pull the vacuum and put it on the pipe. Over here!
Rancho. It's done!
All switches are off?
Now only turn on the TT table's light and the computer!
Raju, turn on the computer. Fast!
Help me connect this! Put it in this!
Pia. Come soon. Pia, come soon.
Love you, Rancho
Farhan, switch it on!
Yes
Pia, how much power should the suction have?
Not more than 0.5, Rancho
Farhan, 0.5.
Cover up
Yes
0.5
Ok
A delivery using a vacuum cleaner. I haven't seen anything like this in the 20 years of my career!
Farhan, switch it off
Yeah
Raju, get on the table. Look at me
Push the baby down like this. Like this
Farhan, turn it on.
Come on, sister. Push! You can do it!
Come on, mona! Push! Come on
Think about champ. For champ. Come on
Come on, Mona. Mona, push!
It's coming! It's coming
Come on, sister. You can do it
Farhan! Turn it off.
Yeah, yeah! I turned it off
Get two clips and cut the umbilical chord.
Farhan, get two clips. Fast!
Put it on the umbilical chord and get scissors
Careful, careful.
Get the towel. Towel!
Pia Pia! Why isn't he crying?
Huh?
Hey
Hey champ
Rancho, rub his back
Hey champ
No. Nothing is happening.
Blow air in its mouth..
Come on.
Come on, champ
Nothing is happening
Quiet, mona. Quiet.
Say 'All izz well'. Say 'All izz well'.
He kicked!
what?!
He kicked
Say aal izz well. All izz well
All izz well
Yeah!
At that time if Virus had told his grandson to become an engineer, I would have raped that idiot!
But when that idiot opened his mouth, a miracle happened!
You've got a solid kick. Are you going to be a footballer or what?
Become. Become whatever your heart wants.
Stop! Where are you going?
I'm not finished with you.
On the first day of college, you had asked me a question. Remember?
You asked me why they don't use pencil in space?
If the tip of a pencil breaks in the space, then it will be revolving in zero gravity
It can get into someone's eyes. It can get into someone's nose.
It can get into the instrument panel!
You were wrong. You were wrong
You cannot be right all the time!
You understand?
Yes, sir.
This was a very important invention. You understand?
Yes, sir
My director had told me
When any extraordinary student comes,
Go go go. Go study. Pass your exams and go away from here.
And now, the student of the year. Ranchhodas Shyamaldas Chanchad
Sir, one photo, sir!
I wanted to capture all these memories in my camera and take it with me!
On that day, everybody was hugging each other, getting emotional and making promises
That we would stay in touch; we would meet up once in a year!
Who knew then that we were seeing Rancho for the last time?
Man, untie him!
I'll sue you all in American court!
Raju.
Only that idiot Rancho can make this kind of a school.
But where is he?
Look there.
Go away, creatures. Go away!
Don't piss over here!
You want a beating, huh?
We've got him. That idiot is somewhere around here for sure
Brother, where will we find Rancchoddas?
Is his name Ranchhodas?!
Rancho.
Chote Chote Chote!
What his actual name, man?
Calm down. Calm down.
Come with me.
Where? Where is Rancho?!
Rancho! Rancho!
Farhan, he has read every book you've written! Look at this.
Raju! He reads your blogs everyday!
He tells the kids about your research very proudly!
Do you remember your helmet, Pia?
It was stolen, right?
Who are you? ..and how do you remember all our names?
You can't recognize me?
No
How will you recognize? Millimeter has become centimeter!
Hey hey hey! Centimeter?! No! You have become kilometer!
But what are you doing over here?
I got a letter with my name and a train ticket with it
It said that if I wanted to study, I should board the train. I boarded it
Idiot Rancho!
Where is that idiot?
Take this and go!
You come in my dreams everyday on a scooter wearing bridal wear!
Instead of the veil, you take off your helmet!
And then you come near me to kiss me!
Ah! Ouch!
Couldn't you tell me and leave?
Umm, no.
Umm, Sorry
Did you get married?
What? What?
No. You?
Almost, idiot!
And?
And what?
Do you love someone?
hmm..
Yes
Who?
You!
Do you see? Noses don't get in the way, stupid!
Yes, that's right.
Idiot rancho!
Hi, Farhan!
Keep your hi to yourself!
Hey! Listen to me!
No, you listen to me!
You listen to me. Listen to me,
No, you listen to me. I'll explain everything
Hey Raju
Idiot!
Look here!
Hey Idiot!
Hit him! Hit him! From my side as well
Because of you, what all I had to do. You know?
Come. Get up. Get up, idiot
Hey idiot!
Having fun, idiots?
Hey! Hi Chatur
Ranchhodas Chanchad
Hello teacher sir!
Where have you reached? You have become a teacher in the village, eh?
A for apple. B for ball
We boarded the train together, right?
But your train went in reverse
Straight from engineering to primary teacher
What's your salary, Chanchad? Tell me. Rs 5000, huh?
For me, that's like 100 dollars
My son's pocket money is more than your salary.
Hey! Stop this nonsense.
He used to do all the nonsense. Wanting to change the education system.
He wanted to change the world
Now he changes children's diapers over here!
Will you break his teeth or should i? Jackass
Hey! let it be!
Do you remember? I had told you
One day you would cry and I would laugh
Sign here and accept that you lost and I won!
The declaration of defeat. Unbelievable, man. Chatur. Unbelievable
Hey, that's Virus's pen!
How did you get it. You stole it?
Now what shall I say, man?
This is for winners. Not losers
No problem. If you have any difficulty in school and need a donation
Call my assistant, eh!
A for apple. B for ball
He hasn't changed at all man
Ignore him, man.
Leave him, man. He'll keep talking.
Forget it. The good news is your name is not Ranchoddas Chhanchad
Imagine! After marriage, I would be Pia Chanchad!
Yuck
By the way, what is your real name?
Phunshuk Wangdu
Wangdu?
Pia Wangdu?
That means you're that scientist?
who has 400 patents to his name?!
I won't change my last name after marriage.
That means you are Chatur's Wangdu?
The one that the Japanese are looking for?
I don't like Wangdu
I'm confused. Are you a scientist or a teacher?
I'm a scientist who teaches children
That means you're THE Phunsuk Wangdu?!
Yes, dude. Yes!
Hey Silencer! Hey Chathur! Come back!
Stop stop stop!
Take that, huh!
He won't stop just like that. I will stop him.
Mr. Wangdu! I can't believe you called!
I'm sorry, Mr. Chatur but I can't sign a deal with your company!
What, sir? What happened, sir?
How can I sign something when you ran away with my pen?!
What pen, sir?! I don't understand you.
The one that your holding. Virus' pen!
Virus' pen?
Mr. Wangdu?
Tell me, Chatur.
A for Apple. B for Ball. L for Lucky!
We just raped him.
You got me
You got me, Rancho!
I mean, Mr. Wangdu. Good one!
I hope our personal problems aren't going to affect this deal.
Hey Chatur! Over here. Over here!
I was just joking, man. I knew you'd do something incredible with your life!
Now you're lying.
No no no no. I'm telling you! I swear!
Rancho - 100. Chatur - Zero!
You win and I lose. You don't believe me?!
Oh King! You are great. Accept my offering.
I'll give you free advice, Mr. Wangdu. Run!
Run Run!
Hey, Rancho! I will lose my job, man. I have small kids!
Prophet Ranchoddas used to be right when he said
Children, achieve excellence.
Because then success will chase you!